Those Words given by My Dad Which Helped Me as a New Parent

"I believe I was just trying to survive for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of being a father.

Yet the truth quickly proved to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You're not in a good spot. You need assistance. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now better used to addressing the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a wider inability to talk among men, who often hold onto harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It's not a sign of failure to ask for help. I didn't do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a pause - taking a few days away, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "poor choices" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the hurt.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the things that made you feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - a good diet, physical activity and when you can, resting, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their experiences, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the safety and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they confronted their struggles, transformed how they communicate, and learned to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I feel like my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering an equal amount as you are in this journey."