Evening Hosts Lampoon Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

Television's prominent comedians devoted the airtime ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's recently announced visa program, labeled the "Trump card," describing it as a blatant pay-for-access arrangement for the affluent.

Colbert's Sarcastic Take

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert offered a mock Christmas song directed at the president. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, and then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... spoils everything he comes into contact with."

Colbert's target was the new program which allows foreign citizens to acquire U.S. residence for a sum of one million dollars, or "platinum" option for five million. A government portal pledges approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief note for you to rich immigrants: before you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He explained that the card is also meant to "squeeze cash" from firms wanting to hire foreign workers, with significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, however if you register, you additionally get free accommodation at a property of your choice – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he added.

"Unprecedented screening the U.S. government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants truly are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"It's a card that will permit wealthy foreigners to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the form, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Issues

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping poll numbers amid financial concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were upset about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a attempt to address cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, where he reacted peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing right-leaning media arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he joked.